A Partner to Grow Into: The Life of Couples with Age Difference
Studies show that husbands are on average three years older than their wives. Couples with age difference — which means that one of the partners is over ten years older than the other — often face judgement; and women who live with a younger man are judged more often.
Society has always been suspicious about relationships with age difference. People used to think that a woman who marries a man much older than her will become a widow early; and men who choose an older woman risk having no children. Now, in addition to these concerns there are also ethical ones: relationships where one of the partners is noticeably younger or is in a subordinate position may turn out to be too unequal.
Despite all these difficulties, some partners with age difference manage to build a comfortable relationship. Tatiana Korytina met some of the couples.
Documentary photographer, student at DocDocDoc photography school.
— Many couples with age differences whom I offered to take part in the project refused: some don’t like to be photographed, some don’t like the documentary format. There were also those who were shy to speak about their family — they frequently face judgement from the others, so don’t want to flaunt their relationship.
Most often these are the relatives of a younger partner who are against the marriage to someone older. They are worried that with time the husband or the wife will start having health issues; they are afraid that the couple will not have children or they won’t have time to raise them together. Also, many older partners divorced people who were the same age as them and later married someone younger, which is not often perceived well.
Talking to the people I photographed, I didn’t feel the generation gap between them. Mature people have friendships and relationships with those who share their values and interests. I have many friends of different ages and I don’t feel uncomfortable talking to them.
Oleg, mountain climbing guide, 62, and Olga, teacher and child psychologist, 36. Together for 12 years, married for six. Olga is now on maternity leave. Oleg has an adult daughter from his first marriage.
Denis, 46, and Liza, 30. Met at work — both are veterinarians. Together for ten years. Denis has a son from his first marriage.
Natalia, commercial photographer, 34, and Andrey, herpetologist, 64. Met when Natalia was a student; and have been together for fourteen years. They are raising four daughters: the eldest is nine, and the youngest is one. Andrey has two adult sons from his first marriage and a grandson. Natalia says that despite the fact Andrey is older than her parents he is a young son-in-law for them.
Nikita, restoration engineer, 56, and Irina, 34, does visceral massage. Together for nine years, and married for two years. They are raising two of their own daughters. It is a third marriage both for Nikita and for Irina. Nikita has an adult daughter from a previous marriage.
Elena, mathematician, 59, and Aleksandr, theoretical physicist, academic at the Russian Academy of Sciences, 88. They met when they both were widowed through Aleksandr’s daughter. Have been married for ten years. Have three children and three grandchildren between them.
Andrey, engineer, 30, and Liza, artist, art therapist, psychologist and teacher, 46. They met at an exhibition. Together for two years.
Galina, 33, business analyst, and Vladimir, 57, physicist. They met when Vladimir was Galina’s PhD thesis advisor. They have been together for twelve years and are raising a three-year-old daughter. This is the second marriage for Vladimir, he has an adult son from his first marriage.
Aleksandr, artist and founder of a toy museum, 57, and Maria, 31, studied to be a film director, and works as a costume designer. They met at a literature restaurant where Maria was a consultant. Have been together for 13 years, eight of them married. They are raising two sons. Aleksandr has an adult daughter from his previous marriage. Maria’s parents were unhappy with their daughter’s choice.
Tania, documentary photographer, 26, Dima, programmer, 40. Met through common friends and have been together for a year.
Aleksandr, composer, jazz musician, 58, Natalia, 42, works in charity. Have been married for 13 years.
Albert, engineer and mountain climbing instructor, 63, and Olga, teacher of the theory of inventive problem solving and artist, 39. They met during a mountaineering trip to the Caucasus mountains. Have been together for ten years and are raising two daughters. This is the third marriage for Albert, he has two adult children from a previous marriage and three grandchildren. Albert’s children disapprove of this marriage, because he left the family for it.
