Bird in Flight Prize ‘21 Finalist: Now Is Not the Right Time

Peter Pflügler, Austria

This started out as a story about my father’s suicide attempt. When I was two years old, he went into the woods with the intention of never coming back.

This project was an investigation into the traces of a well-kept family secret. While I was revisiting my parents’ trauma its places, objects and memories that I could not call my own – I found it here, inside myself. My body always knew.

This is no longer a story about a suicide attempt. This is about the impossibility of secrets, about what we are sharing when we hide. This is about pain inflicted out of love, about the complexity of silence, and the unexplainable sadness of a boy.

Mum, Dad, this is your trauma, that you kept wrapped up in countless colorful blankets and yet unknowingly handed over to me in a loving embrace. I will carry it with care.